Adaptive Roles as Coping Mechanisms: Reframing Narratives Through Dialogue, Curiosity, and Safety, Part II - Luuk L. Westerhof, MSc

Introduction

Trauma, with its profound and lasting impact on individuals, often necessitates the development of adaptive coping mechanisms (van der Kolk, 2014). These mechanisms, frequently manifested as specific roles or personas, such as the caretaker, the perfectionist, or the rebel, serve as protective strategies, enabling individuals to navigate challenging and often threatening environments. While these roles can distance individuals from their authentic selves, they also stand as a testament to human resilience. This paper argues that the key to healing lies in recognizing these adaptations, reframing the narratives surrounding them, and guiding individuals toward reclaiming their inherent wholeness. The power of dialogue significantly facilitates this process, the application of curiosity, and the co-creation of safety.

Adaptive Roles as Coping Mechanisms

Trauma’s pervasive influence can lead individuals to adopt roles that, while seemingly maladaptive, are at their core functional survival strategies (Herman, 1992). A child who experiences neglect, for example, may assume the role of caretaker, becoming hyper-attuned to the needs of others to ensure their own survival or to gain a semblance of control in a chaotic environment. Similarly, a perfectionist’s drive may stem from an underlying need to earn worthiness by achieving unattainable standards, masking deep-seated feelings of inadequacy. The rebellious stance may be a way to exert control over an environment that feels overwhelmingly disempowering. Though seemingly rigid, these roles are not indicators of defectiveness but rather expressions of deep-seated pain and resilience.

However, these adaptive roles can become ingrained over time, creating significant barriers to authentic self-expression and healthy relationships. The challenge, therefore, is to move past the judgment and labeling of these roles and to see them as the manifestation of deep wounds requiring tender care and understanding. This understanding is where the power of reframing narratives comes into play.

The Power of Dialogue in Reframing Narratives

Dialogue, as illuminated by Bohm (1996) in his exploration of the concept, transcends simple conversation. It is a co-creative process wherein participants engage with openness and curiosity, striving not to persuade but to understand. Genuine dialogue disrupts entrenched beliefs and fosters new perspectives, revealing the intricate life stories that shape individual behaviors. This understanding shifts the focus away from personal failings and toward the contextual realities that have shaped each individual.

For example, consider an individual struggling with self-mutilation. Within a dialogic space built on empathy and respect, the root of this behavior may be revealed as a method to process overwhelming unexpressed pain. This dialogue can reframe the behavior from a character flaw to a survival strategy developed in response to trauma. This shift is profound; it invites compassion not just from others but, importantly, from the individual regarding themself (Gilbert, 2010).

Examples of Transformative Dialogue

Case studies offer powerful illustrations of dialogical transformation. For instance, a young woman battling an eating disorder in a study by Polivy & Herman (2002) might, through therapeutic dialogue, discover that her fixation on weight is not about vanity but about a deep-seated need to feel valued in a society that often equates thinness with self-worth. This realization is transformative; once the underlying narrative is exposed, she can then embark on redefining her relationship with food and body image, liberated from the internalized pressures. This process moves toward healing and self-acceptance.

Curiosity as a Tool for Healing

The therapeutic power of curiosity cannot be overstated. While judgment shuts doors, curiosity opens them, inviting understanding and exploration (Frankel, 2017). By approaching others with curiosity, we communicate that their experiences matter and their stories are worth hearing. The conventional approach, often framed by the question, “What is wrong with this person?” implies defectiveness and fosters shame. Curiosity, however, shifts the question to “What happened to this person?” This subtle but profound shift redirects attention from perceived flaws to lived experiences, creating space for empathy and understanding.

Case Studies: Curiosity in Action

The application of curiosity can be observed in a therapist's engagement with a client who excessively exercises. Rather than focusing on pathology, curiosity may lead to questions about exercise's role in the client's life. Through this inquiry, it may be revealed that exercise manages anxiety stemming from childhood instability. This insight allows therapy to focus on the underlying anxiety rather than just the behavior, leading to more sustainable, integrated healing.

Co-Creating Safety for Nervous System Regulation

The concept of safety is pivotal in therapeutic work, especially with trauma survivors. The polyvagal theory developed by Porges (2001) highlights the vital role of the vagus nerve in regulating the nervous system. When people feel safe, their nervous systems are able to shift from survival modes to states of connection and balance and move towards rest and digest responses rather than fight, flight, or freeze.

Practical strategies for co-creating safety are crucial. Building trust is paramount, achieved through consistent presence and genuine validation of others' experiences (Rogers, 1957). Trauma-informed practices, including mindfulness, grounding exercises, and somatic therapy, help individuals reconnect with their bodies and regulate their nervous systems. These methods, outlined by Levine (1997), assist individuals in becoming more aware of bodily sensations, allowing space for integration and release. Furthermore, the power of community is undeniable; supportive environments provide the co-regulation necessary for people to feel safe and seen (Siegel, 2010).

Stories of Transformation

In a community art program, a trauma survivor found healing by expressing their story through art and receiving validation from peers. This allowed space to process difficult emotions and begin re-engaging with their authentic self. These experiences highlight that relational healing is fundamental and that feeling seen and accepted in a connected environment is essential to restoring holistic well-being.

Conclusion

Problems, therefore, are not inherent failings but rather social constructions, narratives shaped by deeply personal experiences. Dialogue and curiosity offer potent tools for reframing these narratives, fostering empathy, and offering space for compassion. By co-creating safety, we empower individuals to regulate their nervous systems and reclaim their natural state of balance and wholeness.

The transformative potential of these approaches rests in their ability to honor the resilience and adaptability of the human spirit. As we cultivate spaces for dialogue, extend curiosity, and prioritize safety, we pave the way for collective healing and realizing our shared humanity. Let this be our call to action: to listen, inquire, and co-create a world where every person feels seen, valued, and safe.

References

• Bohm, D. (1996). On dialogue. Routledge.
• Frankel, A. (2017). The power of empathy: A practical guide to creating connection. Hay House.
• Gilbert, P. (2010). Compassion focused therapy: Distinctive features. Routledge.
• Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence--from domestic abuse to political terror. Basic Books.
• Levine, P. A. (1997). Waking the tiger: Healing trauma. North Atlantic Books.
• Polivy, J., & Herman, C. P. (2002). Dieting and its outcomes. Handbook of eating disorders, 123-137.
• Porges, S. W. (2001). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. WW Norton & Company.
• Rogers, C. R. (1957). The necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 21(2), 95-103.
• Siegel, D. J. (2010). Mindsight: The new science of personal transformation. Bantam.
• van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.