The Transformative Power of Dialogue and Curiosity: Reframing Problems as Social Constructions - Luuk L. Westerhof, MSc

Introduction

Human beings are storytellers by nature, weaving narratives to make sense of their experiences and interactions with the world. However, these stories can sometimes constrain, framing challenges as intrinsic flaws rather than reflections of lived realities. Traditional views often treat problems like eating disorders, self-mutilation, or excessive training as signs of inherent dysfunction or moral failure. Yet, such behaviors can be reinterpreted as adaptive responses to trauma rather than markers of character deficiency.

In their seminal work, Dialogue and the Art of Thinking Together (Isaacs, 1999), theorists argue that dialogue can dismantle the rigid frameworks through which we perceive problems, replacing judgment with understanding. As an open-minded and compassionate inquiry, Curiosity complements dialogue by fostering an environment where individuals feel safe to explore their narratives without shame or fear. This article examines how these tools—dialogue, and curiosity—can help us reframe problems as social constructions and catalyze healing by co-creating safety and enabling the nervous system to return to its natural state.

Understanding Problems as Social Constructions

Problems Beyond Essentialism

Problems are often perceived as essentialistic, rooted in an individual's inherent flaws. This perspective aligns with linear thinking, suggesting that problems arise from a fixed cause-and-effect chain. However, shifting to a circular, systems-based view—as highlighted in Isaacs’ Dialogue and the Art of Thinking Together (1999)—reveals that problems are not static entities but social constructions shaped by context and relationships.

For instance, behaviors like self-mutilation or excessive exercise are often framed as pathological. Yet, as Herman (1997) noted in Trauma and Recovery and further supported by Van der Kolk (2014) in The Body Keeps the Score, these actions can also be understood as narratives—expressions of a person’s effort to cope with overwhelming emotions or traumatic experiences. Rather than labeling these behaviors as flaws, we might see them as adaptive strategies for survival, reflecting the intricate interplay between personal stories and social frameworks.

Narratives as Reflections of Life Stories

Narratives shape the way individuals experience and interpret their problems. As articulated in Dialogue and the Art of Thinking Together (Isaacs, 1999), storytelling allows people to give voice to their struggles, externalizing issues that might otherwise be internalized as personal failure. By recognizing the influence of societal norms, cultural expectations, and relational dynamics, as Bohm (1996) highlighted in On Dialogue, we can see problems as constructed phenomena rather than fixed truths.

The Role of Trauma in Shaping Behavior

Trauma and the Disruption of Natural States

Everyone is born with an unblemished personality, a natural state of wholeness and balance. However, trauma disrupts this equilibrium, forcing the nervous system into survival modes—fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. As Judith Herman highlights in Trauma and Recovery (1997) and Bessel van der Kolk elaborates in The Body Keeps the Score (2014), these responses are not signs of weakness but evidence of the body’s remarkable ability to adapt to adversity. Porges’ (2011) The Polyvagal Theory provides a crucial lens for understanding how the nervous system reacts to perceived threats and how this influences behavior.

For example, dissociative behaviors, often misunderstood as inherent flaws, can be reframed as survival mechanisms. Eating disorders might symbolize an attempt to regain control in an uncontrollable world. Self-harm might serve as a way to release pent-up emotions or to feel something amidst emotional numbness. Excessive training could represent a quest for perfection as a shield against feelings of inadequacy. These actions are not random but deeply tied to an individual’s story and context.

The Power of Dialogue and Curiosity

Dialogue as a Tool for Deconstruction

As conceived by Bohm (1996) in On Dialogue, Dialogue is more than a mere exchange of words; it is a process of collective inquiry that allows us to challenge our underlying assumptions. Through genuine listening and open communication, we can see the limitations of our viewpoints and appreciate the validity of others’ perspectives (Isaacs, 1999). This process of deconstruction is crucial for reframing problems.

Curiosity: Fostering Safety and Exploration

Curiosity, characterized by non-judgmental inquiry and a genuine interest in another's experience, is a counterpoint to the quick labeling and judgment often applied to those struggling with difficulties. When someone faces a problem like an eating disorder, rather than seeing it as a moral failing, it becomes an exploration of the individual's underlying story. Curiosity creates a container for vulnerability and allows for the emergence of new perspectives. This shift is crucial for initiating healing and moving away from stigmatic views of mental health struggles (Porges, 2011).

Co-Creating Safety

In The Polyvagal Theory, dialogue and the Regulation of the Nervous System  Porges (2011) emphasizes the importance of safe social engagement for nervous system regulation. Dialogue, when approached with genuine curiosity, can create relational safety, which helps the individual to move out of defensive states and into a state of calm and connection. When individuals feel seen, heard, and understood, this facilitates nervous system regulation and can catalyze healing.

Re-Establishing Connection

By understanding problems as adaptations to trauma within a social context, we treat the person with dignity and respect. Through dialogue and curiosity, we create a relational space that counters the isolation and alienation often experienced by those struggling with what are labeled as "problems" (Isaacs,1999). By creating safety and understanding, we can shift from shame and isolation to connection and healing.

Conclusion

Problems are not fixed entities but social constructions shaped by narratives, relationships, and traumatic experiences. By adopting a lens of dialogue and curiosity, we can deconstruct entrenched perspectives, revealing underlying stories of adaptation and resilience. Reframing problems as social constructs opens pathways for healing, not by fixing individuals but by fostering environments of safety and compassion, allowing the nervous system to return to its innate state of balance. This transformation allows individuals to rewrite their narratives, stepping away from internalized self-blame and toward greater self-understanding and interpersonal connection.

References

• Bohm, David. (1996). On Dialogue. Routledge.
• Herman, Judith. (1997). Trauma and Recovery. Basic Books.
• Isaacs, William. (1999). Dialogue and the Art of Thinking Together. Doubleday.
• Porges, Stephen W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W.W. Norton & Company.
• Van der Kolk, Bessel. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.